With change comes growth

Wow. Here I am, tipping my toe into blog life. another thing I’m picking up, and I know my husband or sister will look at me and say “another thing you have going on?! you have lost your mind!” Thinking of this and their reactions was actually how I decided to name this page. But I came here to begin with because I feel like all of my “projects” and all of the things I have happening in my life right now are not individual, separate orbs, rotating around my life individually, but I feel like they are very much connected to a bigger picture that I just can’t see clearly yet. Maybe I’m standing too close, or maybe I just haven’t gotten all of the puzzle pieces yet, or maybe its like one of those crazy pixelated pictures you can only see if you stand at a certain distance, cross your eyes, jump on one leg, and “look through it” to see the image jump out at you. My luck, it’s the latter one.

Back at the end of December, I found myself at an in-between. I was done with grad school, but still studying for boards. My youngest was almost 20 months, and my “baby weight” was turning into just plain old Mama weight. My husband was in school, about half way through his degree. And I was lost. I felt like I jsut needed something to make me feel like ME, in a way that you just know you need to come up for air when you are swimming under water. Its urgent, frantic, and necessary for your survival. But I had no idea what “air” I needed. I just knew I needed it.

This was when I stumbled upon a friend of mine who had found something that made her so happy, she was literally glowing. I was like thats it, give me that air, whatever it is, I want it now. And she did! I found instant excitement, support, and community – and a way to help me get rid of that mama weight. I was working out every day, at home, with my kids. I was learning how to eat better, which in turn gave me more energy, made my moods better, and I overall FELT better. I was feeding my kids better, enjoying being active with them, and they were happier too. Mom win! I was in better moods, feeling better each day about my accomplishments, my growing strength, and changing body. It poured into my relationship with my husband. Its true what they say ya’ll – happy wife = happy life. It really does!

Now, I enjoy helping others going through the same black hole of needing their own air. I run challenge groups to help keep people motivated and on track, and I love it. We share our dirt, we learn about ourselves, and we grow. Its magical, and I am so in love with this air I have found to give me new life!

In a little over 1 week, I will work my last shift as staff nurse in the NICU where I have spent my entire nursing career. I am excited for the changes ahead, but feeling sentimental to be moving on when all of the nurses there have helped me so much along the way – teaching me, encouraging me. In a little over 3 weeks, I will be starting my new career as a full time neonatal nurse practitioner. I am terrified of making a mistake that could cost a tiny baby their life. I am terrified of letting everyone down who has believed in me, and I am terrified of not knowing everything I should know by now. BUT I am even more so excited to be finally starting this career, a goal I have worked years towards, and to be doing so with the people I most wanted to work with, who have been there with me through so much already. I have been truly blessed to have the job offer that I have with the people I have it with. Its a dysfunctional family, but its my family 🙂

Tomorrow, I will be starting a new challenge to further push myself, learn about a different way of life, and see how it makes me feel! I will be going for 21 days of vegan. I NEVER imagined I would want to do this, but after making a new friend on Instagram (my new air has really given me the balls to reach out, connect, and learn from others!) who is a new vegan, I was overwhelmingly curious, intrigued, and inspired. So I thought, why not? I want to do it to push myself out of my comfort zone, learn about a different way of life, and open my mind to new things. Also, if it helps me lose a little bit more of this mama weight persisting on my tummy, I’m okay with that too 🙂 Do I plan on staying vegan forever? No. But I wont say I never would. I have no idea what this will be like. Im nervous I will fail, scared of the different unknown, and excited to try something new. I would be interested in exploring the possibility of vegetarianism on a more long term basis… but we will see. I never thought I would be here, so how can I possibly know where I will be a month from now?

I will share my experience, thoughts, challenges on here. I thought it would be a good journal for me to reflect on, and share with others. I am hoping to find good, easy, quick recipes that will work with my busy mom life. This is something I am doing, not the entire family, so recipes that I can make, and just halfway through divide up to make vegan/non vegan variations simply are my goal.

So, here is to losing my mind, diving in, and saying what the hell, why not? Cheers! (ps – wine is vegan, totally checked that out first!)

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