I feel like this past week has been one small tumble after another. No one thing has been detrimental, but add them up and geeze, you just start to feel like a pinata, ya know?
Fist, I spoke with one of my doctors early this week – excited to say how healthy I am, how I am exercising, eating healthy, etc. I mentioned that I was trying the vegan diet to learn more about the lifestyle and philosophy. She asked me if I was adopting the philosophy, and I said no, that I was really just intrigued by it and wanted to learn by doing for a bit. She was firm, but nice, when she advised me to not continue with the diet, because my intake of soy products was increased – and with my medical history (another post for another day folks) she was uncomfortable with the change since I had my most recent complication and procedure less than a year ago.
Now, if it were my own philosophy, I am sure she would not have advised me as so, and would have found another solution. However, given the reasoning, I was quick to concede to her advice. I have been through too much to not listen to my care team and will NOT be doing 21 days of vegan 😦 I was bummed.
Next, I have still waiting to start my new job. The paperwork takes foreverrrr and it seems like it’s never going to happen. I know it will, but I also want to call the office doing it and offer to help, cuz come one y’all, I got billllllls they’re multiplyin’ 😉 So, while I wait I feel like a stay at home mom.
Lets just take a moment, and bow our heads in a moment of silence for all y’all SAHMs. Seriously, I have no clue how you do it, how you remain normal, and how you don’t kill your husbands when they say “What have you done all day? You weren’t working…” I’ve read all the funny blog posts passing around the internet, always laughing and saying man, those husbands are dumb. Because I believe our men, while very loved, can have moments in which they are just plain dumb. (so can we, btw!) So, I laughed, not fully understanding, but always respecting these SAHMs. You see, I have never dreamed of being one. I don’t know if I am missing that bone, or if I’m just an extra special kind of freak, but I love being in the hospital, running silent codes with a team that flows together smoother than water. I love the smell of the cleaner that says “may cause cancer” as generally makes us all hack up a lung. I love it. I love being there.
I love coming home after that day filled with rush and adrenaline, to see my babies, happy and smiling, running up to me screaming “mommy!!!!” But I love working. So these past few weeks of being a SAHM while I wait to start my new job has been the most personally challenging on my life. I am exhausted. I swear I got more done around the house when I worked haha. Today I was cleaning, came back through the hall, only to see it all pulled right back out. In 2.5 seconds! How do they do that?!?!?! And I guess I never noticed how they are never hungry at the same times, or want to sleep at the same time, but you can bet your ass they both want the same toy out of a million at the same time or to sit on my lap at the same time. And my workout time is also jungle gym time, but thats okay – they are cuter than my weights 🙂 But still, it’s exhausting. So all you SAHMs, I wish I could afford to send you all a case of good wine and some xanax, because now I GET those funny blogs. And how do you not just let them eat poptarts every morning and gold-fish for dinner? Because I swear that is all they actually want to eat. y’all are truly superheros.
So, with shot nerves, dirty hair, and bruises from little toes, I am anxious to work, but also know that this is a time I will look back on and be happy I had. So I try my best to live in the moment. SO what if their face is dirty. SO what if we ate an entire box of poptarts in one day. SO. WHAT. We are playing and laughing, and not sleeping enough. But this wont last forever. And one day, I will come home from work, and no one will run to me screaming my name. THey will stay in their rooms talking to friends or playing games. And That day, I will be sad, and think of all the SAHMs who had so much more of that time than I did.
Grass can really seem greener on the other side sometimes can’t it?
So for now, Im trying to adjust to my new normal. Ive been reading more, so thats nice. I am currently reading The Lost Symbol, The Girls, and The Five Love Languages. Yes, I read more than one at a time. Yes, I can keep up. I am trying to decide what I should read next – any suggestions out there? I know there are other book lovers who can probably give me a list that would keep me busy for the rest of my life. But just give me the must reads!